I shut my car door and immediately burst into tears. This didn’t feel real. It couldn’t be real.
Moments before I had walked out of my doctor’s office with a diagnosis, which helped clear up how I had been feeling. But also brought up more questions than I had originally walked in with and no clear path forward.
Let’s Rewind
I’d been working at a corporate gym for a few years. I was surrounded by amazing health and fitness professionals every day. I loved every minute of the environment I was in.
But the stress was high and to manage my stress, I turned to working out.
I’d workout 6 to 7 days a week. I even felt guilty if I skipped a workout. But working out made me feel connected to my body and I thought it was helping with the high stress, high pressure of a fitness job that I didn’t realize was more of a sales position.
Over the years, my acne got worse. I was embarrassed to be on such a big stage at the gym, believing that that’s all people saw was my terrible skin.
My sleep also got worse. I couldn’t stay asleep. I found myself tossing and turning or staring at the ceiling most nights. And, when my alarm went off, I’d snooze until the last possible minute before dragging myself out of bed to get the day started.
Then there were my workouts. I worked hard. I fueled my body. But I couldn’t seem to gain the muscle mass my coworkers could, no matter what I did.
And finally, my periods. They’d always been heavy and crampy, but they seemed to get worse and worse over the years. I thought it was “normal” to have a couple days a month where you were just miserable. “It’s all part of being a woman”, I’d tell myself.
But then I had a conversation with my coworker / friend that I still remember vividly. She told me she felt bad for me because she barely ever knew when her period was coming and it never impacted her when it was here.
I was starting to realize something wasn’t quite right.
The Breaking Point
But it wasn’t until my husband and I went to Europe for a 10 day trip with his parents that it really sunk in that everything I was feeling wasn’t normal.
In Europe, I was able to eat gluten and dairy without side effects. I had wine and beer and didn’t immediately break out in cystic acne. I slept like a rock through the night.
When we came home though, I was so bloated and uncomfortable, I couldn’t sleep (and not just because of the jetlag), and my next period was the worst one of my life. It’s like something broke inside of me – something that I could no longer ignore or avoid.
So I went to the doctor
And with testing and more testing, I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis.
I was happy to have an answer to why I was feeling like I was feeling, and I was looking forward to meeting with my doctor to discuss what my next steps were. I was motivated to feel better.
But upon meeting with my doctor, I realized quickly that I wasn’t going to get the answers I craved.
She immediately recommended birth control to me, which I denied (I have a history of blood clots, I didn’t want to get back on birth control and risk anything). She then offered a prescription for a sex drive pill because, in her terms, “maybe that would help me feel better” (and no, it wouldn’t help my pelvic pain).
When I asked about a hysterectomy (not knowing at the time that that doesn’t “cure endometriosis”), she told me we’d need to ask my husband. I was shocked and upset.
When I asked for any alternative or natural approaches to managing PCOS and endometriosis, she told me, “you must not be that serious about your pain if you won’t consider birth control or this other prescription.”
She dismissed me, handing me some pamphlets, and I walked to my car on a cloud. I allowed myself to ugly cry for a few minutes before I told myself to get it together. Reminding myself that I work with a lot of great health professionals, I’m sure I can find one who takes my health as seriously as I do.
The Natural Plan
And that’s just what I did.
I hired an RD, who did more testing and determined I have Adrenal PCOS (caused by the stress I constantly had on my body – either from working out or from a high pressure job).
Our first stop was to get my inflammation lower. We focused on a low FODMAP diet for 2 months, which was one of the most difficult things I did. She gave me a layered supplement plan. We even adjusted my workouts, scaling back big time and changing how I worked out.
Around this time, I was furloughed from the gym because of Covid. Though it added more stress to me with the unknown, it was a blessing in disguise as I was able to spend 3 full months fully embodying the customized plan to heal my body and begin to recover.
The First Setback
The first setback came when I went back to work. The majority of my clients didn’t want to come back to the gym, so I was forced to start my business from square one again.
I worked hard, while still following the protocol of my RD.
But over that year, I started getting acne again, my bloating came back, my sleep suffered, and I started to lose hair. I tried to talk to my manager about it, but didn’t feel supported. I was basically told to toughen up.
And that’s when I started plotting to start my own business because I knew I’d given up a lot of myself for this corporate gym, but I couldn’t continue to give them my suffering health.
The Next Setback
So, I left the corporate gym and started my own nutrition and fitness business. I started to feel amazing again – sleeping through the night, even sleeping in, working out, hitting PRs again, my skin cleared up, my burnout started to fade.
But then, about 6 months into my own business, I gained 20lbs in one month.
I was shocked. I was uncomfortable in my skin. I was embarrassed.
I knew it wasn’t right, so I went to a new doctor to see what was wrong with me. She pulled some bloodwork, but refused to check my thyroid. Then she told me, “it’s probably just your PCOS, but we should talk about your diet and workouts.” … As if I don’t literally do this for a living.
I left her office, frustrated again. Feeling let down by the medical industry, again.
But I decided that I knew enough about PCOS and endometriosis, hormones, and am the professional of my own body, so I decided to take action.
Optimizing My Own Hormones Again
This is where most people get it wrong. You unexpectedly gain weight, so you immediately try to lose weight without understanding why your body gained the weight in the first place.
And though I didn’t know the exact reason why, and still don’t, I knew that my body didn’t feel safe enough to lose weight, so I needed to focus on healing her and listening before I could go into a weight loss phase.
For the next 9 months, I focused on eating at maintenance and then a slight surplus. Though I did gain more weight, I started to feel better. I didn’t realize I was tired again and my energy was lagging. But with the more calories, I slept like a baby, my periods got better, and I had energizer bunny energy.
After I felt like I was in a good place with my healing and recovery, I started a 3 month deficit, where I lost 20lbs and even more inches. I was still self conscious about my body, but none of my symptoms came back and my periods stayed pain-free.
Managing Maintenance
It’s been almost 3 years since then and all of my symptoms are still managed, I’m back to my weight from before Covid started, and I feel more in tune with my body than ever before.
There have been some setbacks, like one endo flareup and even a shoulder issue (which is common with hypermobility and hormone issues), but for the most part, I can say that I’ve reversed and continue to manage my symptoms from PCOS and endometriosis.
Though I’m not against modern medicine (I’m very pro science and medicine), I believe the way we eat, the way we move, and our lifestyle can help or hurt our hormones. I’m very thankful for my own knowledge and the connections I made that have helped me through every phase of my PCOS journey.
Your diagnosis is not a jail sentence. It’s a guide to recovery. It’s a message from your body. And finally, It’s important to be very clear on how you want to approach your health and then advocate for your health. You are the professional of your body.
